Inside the Inner Circle

by Quinn

Note: Ryan and William are pseudonyms

I was part of Dave’s inner circle at least as far back as January 2021.   I left in March 2025.

Ryan, William, and I would meet with Dave for 2.5-3 hours each Monday night to plan out our Friday Night ministries, discuss any issues that had come up, study scripture, talk about what was going on in each of our lives, and pray.  Two other men were part of the group at different points, but they don’t play major roles in the story below.

This inner circle was one part of what Dave considered his accountability structure.  From time to time, he would ask us what his faults are / what we thought he could do better.  This fostered an image of humility and teachability.

However, problematic things happened in this inner circle.

Polygamy and Naked Girls

We have noticed a pattern at Friday Night that as you get closer to Dave, you learn more and more of his oddball theological beliefs.

Having heard a lot of Dave’s thinking on sexuality, I will attempt to explain it as a system of thought.  Take it with a grain of salt as I’m trying to systematize mostly isolated comments, but I do think it paints a coherent picture.

If it feels like I am divulging too much of Dave’s personal life, consider that this is not what he talked to his counselor about, or discussed with his wife in the bedroom.  These are his teachings.  While he may have desired to reserve these teachings for a certain select group, I see no biblical precedent for that kind of thing.  If it’s really God’s truth, then the whole church should know and benefit from it.  Similarly, some of the other stories divulge details about Dave that may seem deeply personal.  Keep in mind that we are talking about things he said and did while operating in his capacity as a ministry leader.

The foundation is his belief that polygamy is not a sin.  He correctly points out that the Old Testament never directly calls it a sin, and there are men who are portrayed as righteous who have multiple wives.  The best example is probably King David, whom the text does not condemn for having multiple wives in general, but only when he takes another man’s wife (Bathsheba).  The only direct New Testament warning against polygamy is 1 Cor 7:2,¹ but in context it doesn’t sound like a universal command.

Ultimately, however, Dave’s line of thinking is difficult to hold onto.  When Jesus is asked about divorce, He grounds His response in creation, not the Mosaic law.²  If one were to think about polygamy in the context of creation, what might be the conclusion? We would observe that God could’ve given Adam multiple wives but He did not.  (Personally, I think an argument can be made against slavery on similar grounds: why didn’t God give Adam a servant so he didn’t have to tend the garden?)  Additionally, in the first century polygamy was rare both among Jews and in the surrounding Roman society.  So the fact that the New Testament didn’t prohibit it (if you buy that 1 Cor 7:2 isn’t a prohibition) could simply be because it wasn’t a topic of controversy or interest at that point in history.

Regardless, Dave’s belief that polygamy is not a sin is foundational to his sexual ethics.  It segues right into his belief that it’s not a sin for a married man to sexually fantasize about a single woman.  The way he would put it is that it’s only a sin to fantasize about a woman that one “could not legitimately obtain” (that phrase is a direct quote, though it’s been years since I heard him use that exact verbiage).  Since polygamy is legitimate, the implication is that one could legitimately obtain any single woman, even if one is married.  Therefore, all single women are legitimate objects of fantasy.

Sometimes, he would say that simply having a lustful thought isn’t sin until you actually hatch a plan to go and commit the act.  If you take that to its logical conclusion, you could justify entertaining any sexual fantasy.

Every now and then, Dave would bring up the topic of looking at a “naked girl”.  He essentially wanted to know if we felt it would be okay to look at an image of a naked girl every now and then.  He did not use the terminology of “porn,” though it’s my understanding that in a separate conversation with another group he did.  He emphasized the idea of moderation and said it was like drinking a beer but not getting drunk.  Dave brought this up at least twice to our inner circle, possibly more.  I remember responding once by saying if “looking at a naked girl” is like drinking a beer, then looking at today’s internet pornography would be like injecting heroin.  Ryan agreed with me.

Dave would also indicate he did not feel a husband needed to be straightforward with his wife about any kind of porn problem he might have.  He once asked something along the lines of, “Where does it say in the Bible that a husband has to share all of his struggles with his wife?”  That’s a legitimate point; the Bible doesn’t say that.  The problem is that Dave’s take on this is still rooted in the belief that polygamy is not a sin.  If downright taking a second wife is legitimate, then certainly fantasizing about it is also.  Under that line of thinking, a husband who looks at porn may be sinning against God, but he’s not sinning against his wife.  (But, going back to the whole “naked girl” thing, Dave may not think it’s a sin at all, I’m not sure.)

Since it’s on the topic, I will also recount something Dave said openly to Friday Night years ago.  He told us that he and Kathy had once been dealing with a couple where the wife had cheated on the husband.  I do not remember if he specified when the infidelity occurred (i.e., while the couple was dating, engaged, or married).  He told us that they advised the woman not to tell the man.  If I recall correctly, the reasoning was some combination of “we prayed about it” and “we felt it would only cause emotional harm with no benefit.”  There may have also been an element of it only being a one-night stand versus a prolonged affair; I do not remember.  Dave told us later that Kathy got upset that he shared the story in front of everyone at Friday Night.  But there was no indication Kathy contested his version of the events.  In other words, as far as the actual decision to give that woman that counsel, it appears Kathy either went along with it or instigated it.

I took some time to reflect on the counsel Dave and Kathy gave this woman.  Aside from the obvious fact that hiding a massive infraction against your spouse doesn’t seem like the kind of thing that’s going to be conducive to a healthy relationship, the advice is deeply controlling.  Dave teaches that adultery is not grounds for divorce.  While this viewpoint isn’t unheard of in the church, it is a minority position.  But what’s so deeply problematic is that the husband may or may not have held to that doctrine.  By encouraging the woman to keep her offense secret, Dave and Kathy took away the husband’s chance to decide for himself what constitutes legitimate grounds for divorce and make his own decision.  It is a violation of his personhood.  And again it fits the pattern of control being exerted specifically over dating / marriage.

¹1Cor. 7:2 But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband.

² See, for example, Matthew 19:1-12.

Fake Accountability

When someone had a problem with Dave, the consistent pattern was that Dave would receive the complaint and filter it down to us through his perspective.  Of course there could have been complaints we never heard about as well (we would have no way of knowing).  Still, it felt like Dave often wanted our approval, like he wanted us to tell him that the other party was in the wrong.

We were never encouraged to reach out to the complainant and hear their side of the story.

There was never a time that we sat down with the complainant and Dave so that we could hear both sides directly.

In two cases of spiritual abuse that are not currently being shared publicly, the victim confronted Dave (without us there), and Dave subsequently painted a distorted picture of the situation to us.  In one case, Dave’s misrepresentation of the situation (which he did mostly by omitting key facts) is so egregious that, in my opinion, it disqualifies him from ministry leadership on its own.  The glaring omissions painted a picture that falsely exonerated Dave while slandering the victim. In both cases, I found out much later what the full truth was.

One Odd Case

One man had apparently committed some kind of sexual impropriety with one of the women in the group, and Dave asked how we felt the situation should be handled, without giving us enough detail to accurately judge the severity.  I told Dave openly that the severity of the offense was important to our being able to assess how the situation should be handled.  He provided a vague response, and then proposed his own solution, which involved the individual being allowed to attend Friday Night but not being allowed to speak in group discussions.

Cara’s Testimony

Note: Cara is a pseudonym.

Cara shared some of her experiences with Jessica G in June 2025.  Jessica G wrote the following summary, which was then reviewed by Cara for accuracy and approved by her for public dissemination.

Cara began attending Scottsdale Bible Church in the early 2000’s and rededicated her life to Christ. She began to attend the young adults group called Crossroads and then Soma. Dave and Kathy attended. They were hard to miss, because they were decades older than everyone else. Dave’s hair was already greying. Dave invited her to attend his home group called Friday Night.

Cara began attending Friday Night in the mid 2000’s. She describes it as follows. The format of the gathering was that it began with songs. Then there would be a time of silence. Dave would share a word he had received or teach on a passage of scripture he had been contemplating. Sometimes others would share a word. She remembers Dave would sometimes stop, close his eyes and lift up his hands. “We’d be waiting for him to say something. I felt drawn into it, and was waiting, expecting the next thing would be really important.” Afterwards people would break into men’s and women’s prayer groups. Then people would often come back together to hang out or eat.

Cara remembers how Dave would ask people questions in order to determine their spiritual gifts. She was labeled as a prophetess. It made her feel special, like she was one of the cool kids. She saw Dave and Kathy engaging with the young adults and felt like they were trying to pour into people. She thought that Dave would be her mentor and guide. She said to herself, “I’m going to follow you.” She remembers Dave teaching that prophets saw things as black and white, they had discernment and could confirm if a word was from God. Dave invited her to what he called his “School of Prophets”, a group of mostly young men, who met at a restaurant near Dave’s house. Dave would have them purchase a specific sized binder with tabs for notes. Dave taught them the book of Romans. The study proceeded slowly. They met for several years without completing the study. 

It was during this time that Dave made inappropriate comments to Cara.

One occurred when she and Dave were at a restaurant. There were other people from SOMA there (SOMA was a young adults group at Scottsdale Bible Church). She ended up sitting alone with Dave. Dave said, “Your legs look good in shorts”. She replied and said that is not something he should say to her. He said that he was sorry her father never complimented his daughter. She got angry. She told Dave that her father would not have made a comment complimenting her legs. She also said that her father loved her. She remembers the interaction vividly because it was the first time she stood up for herself.

At another time she was walking with Dave outside his house after Friday Night. He said to her that he wished the church allowed polygamy so that he could have both her and Kathy as his wives. She felt both complimented and grossed out because he was so much older. She was not attracted to him at all. She did feel close to him, but then after a while she got the ‘ick’ from him and knew she had to be careful around him. Dave would also tell the group that he had always struggled with lust. Kathy seemed to take an attitude of pity / sympathy for Dave over the issue.  What made Dave palatable was Kathy. Cara thought that Dave could not be too creepy since his wife was often standing nearby in the room. 

According to Cara,while she attended Dave’s “School of Prophets”, Dave told her and the group about what would come to be known as the “Belarus Prophecy”. Dave looked sad. He had tears in his eyes. There were these pregnant pauses, building up the suspense, he says that he got a word from God. He had just come back from Belarus. He had a Friday Night like group in Belarus. The Lord had told him that Kathy was going to die. Everyone knew that Kathy had chronic medical issues and her health was delicate. Dave said God told him that God was going to take Kathy away. And that God had already given him a new bride, who was a young and beautiful woman from Belarus. He then shared that when he was in Belarus he proposed to this young woman, even though she was already engaged to someone else. Dave said the only people who knew were his sons. Everyone was shocked. Cara felt very uncomfortable about what Dave had said. But no one called-out Dave or told him what he had done was wrong. Months passed and nothing happened. Kathy did not die. Dave reframed his prophecy as a test from God, like what had happened with Abraham and Isaac. For Cara, nothing was the same afterwards, something felt off, but it didn’t stop her from going to Friday night.

Cara met her husband outside of Friday Night. He lived several hours away and would travel to Phoenix to spend the weekends with her.  They would attend church together, but not Friday Night. When they started thinking about getting married, they attended pre-marital counseling through SBC. But it did not get into any deep topics. Cara told him that before he proposed he needed to get permission from her mom and from Dave. Dave “checked” him out and gave the green light. Dave told her that when Dave married couples, he ties tight knots, that no one he had married had ever gotten divorced, and that she won’t be the first.

So she got engaged. Her fiancé took a job out of state. She moved to the other state and then married him. Shortly afterwards she discovered that he was cheating on her. He had a profile on Ashley Madison. She was furious. She told Dave and Kathy about it. She then found a local church to try to fix her marriage. She was part of a group called ‘betrayed hearts’, which told women to wait and forgive, while not providing any accountability for the cheating husbands. Her husband would not agree to have anyone hold him accountable.

Desperate, she reached out to Dave and Kathy. Dave and Kathy were attending a conference in a nearby city and invited her and her husband to visit them for the weekend, for a “counseling intensive”. Dave spoke to her husband. Her husband cried and said he was sorry. All four prayed together. Dave and Kathy said that what her husband did was wrong. But they also told her that she should not get a divorce for any reason.

After that weekend she fell into a dark place. She and her husband were having significant financial problems. She became suicidal. Because of Dave’s teaching, she believed if she divorced she would lose her church community, her friends, and that she would go to hell. But then she found new evidence that her husband was still cheating on her. She describes it as something snapped in her. She threw him out, and with him, God, the church, and Dave and Kathy. She never spoke to them again. It was too painful. She was certain that she would be judged for getting a divorce. This was because divorce in general had been discussed multiple times and at length at Friday Night. Dave taught that  divorce was wrong in all situations and that remarriage was not possible. If she did get divorced she would never be able to remarry and she would be alone for the rest of her life. If she did re-marry she would be committing adultery and living in sin. If she was living in sin she could not be around God, so she would go to hell. 

So she made one of the hardest yet best decisions of her life, and she divorced her husband. Immediately afterwards she received a large raise and was able to finally create financial stability for herself. She is grateful that she found help from her mother, who offered her love no matter what. There was no replacing the years she lost and she would end up not having the children she had wanted, but still she has rebuilt her life, made new friends and created truly loving relationships. 

Quinn reached out to Cara while researching past Friday Night attenders who had been hurt by Dave. She had moved on from Friday Night and had not thought about Dave and Kathy for years. She has decided to share her story because she wants to help stop Dave from harming other women. She stated that it is important to tell people that Dave Cottrell is simply a man, a very flawed man with serious issues and he is not qualified or certified to give any kind of counseling (premarital or otherwise).