What is Spiritual Abuse?
by Jessica G.
In its simplest definition, spiritual abuse occurs when one person attempts to control another person in a spiritual context, causing them harm.
Two characteristics of spiritual abuse are elitism and isolation. At the end of this document, I have included three complete definitions from three different professors and university lectures. The reason for these definitions is because I have heard Dave Cottrell talk negatively about seminary and the use of commentaries when studying Scripture. From his teaching, I internalized that I was a worse Christian if I read or listened to any other teachers. I now believe that Dave disparages individuals with formal theological education in order to discourage myself and others from being exposed to multiple theological views. Developing our own perspectives on topics presents a risk of his view and authority being challenged. In order to break the cycle of abuse, I have included multiple definitions, with full quotes and the authors’ biographies, so that others can develop their own perspectives.
While each author has created their own definition, all include the characteristic of control within a spiritual context. Two include the characteristic of harm caused to the victim. One, Michael Kruger, distinguishes spiritual abuse from other types of abuse including physical, sexual and emotional/psychological. He does this in order to identify specific methods used by a person who has spiritual authority. Karen Roudkovski enumerates the harms of spiritual abuse to include “spiritual, emotional/psychological, physical or relational”. None of the formal definitions specifically include financial harm, but it should be included as scripture warns against overseers/elders who have a desire for money (1 Timothy 3:3, 1 Peter 5:2).
Typically when we think of spiritual abuse we may think of the Jonestown tragedy, where Jim Jones convinced over 900 people to commit suicide, or the Catholic church’s cover up of sexual assault by members of the clergy. However, spiritual abuse can happen in any church denomination. Lisa Oakley and Kathryn Kinmond briefly review the shepherding or discipling movement in the United States which occurred in the 1960’s through 1980’s. The primary feature of the shepherding movement was its requirement of members to submit to their leaders. One of its other characteristics was “the use of ‘house churches’ (small groups acting as a community)...These small communities provided a surrogate ‘family’ or social support network.” And while spiritual abuse can coincide with physical and sexual abuse, it can exist without those components. Spiritual abuse can include features such as isolation from family, being told what to do because a leader “hears” from God, or not being permitted to question the teachings of the leader or the leader themself.
One of the things that stayed with me the most from “Breaking the Silence on Spiritual Abuse” is that spiritual abuse is deeply damaging. It strikes at a person’s core identity and values. In Oakley’s interviews, victims said things like “It took 11 years to feel better,” “The impact of Spiritual Abuse is like someone lighting a stick of dynamite inside of you,” and “At my worst I was suicidal; I planned out how I was going to do it.” Spiritual abuse is a serious issue and it is our responsibility to stop those who perpetuate it and care for those who have been victimized. I pray that this information helps you engage courageously and mercifully with every part of the body of Christ.
Quotes and Resources
Lisa Oakley & Kathryn Kinmond, Breaking the Silence on Spiritual Abuse, 2013
“Spiritual Abuse is coercion and control of one individual by another in a spiritual context. The target experiences spiritual abuse as a deeply emotional personal attack. This abuse may include: manipulation and exploitation, enforced accountability, censorship of decision making, requirements for secrecy and silence, pressure to conform, misuse of scripture or the pulpit to control behavior, requirement of obedience to the abuser, the suggestion that the abuser has a ‘divine’ position and isolation from others, especially those external to the abusive context.”
For those looking for an alternative to “Breaking the Silence on Spiritual Abuse”, consider Lisa’s book “Escaping the Maze of Spiritual Abuse”.
• Lisa Oakley is the Programming Leader for the Abuse Studies course at Manchester Metropolitan University in Cheshire. She is also a Senior Lecturer in Psychology. She has taught in Higher Education for over twenty years.
• Kathryn Kinmond is a Chartered Psychologist and Senior Lecturer in Psychology and Abuse Studies at Manchester Metropolitan University in Cheshire. She is also an accredited counselor working with people who have been abused.
Karen Roudkovski, Understanding Spiritual Abuse: What It Is and How to Respond, 2024
Spiritual Abuse: a misuse of power in a spiritual context in which a person or group uses various coercive and manipulative methods of controlling the victim, resulting in the abused individual experiencing spiritual, emotional/psychological, physical or relational harm.”
Add up the scores from each question. Scores of 12-19 are mild spiritual abuse, scores of 20-26 are moderate, and scores of 27+ are severe.
• Karen Roudkovski (PhD, New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary) is a licensed professional counselor, assistant professor of counseling at Mississippi College, and director of clinical training at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary.
Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit, 2022
“Spiritual abuse is when a spiritual leader—such as a pastor, elder or head of a Christian organization—wields his position of spiritual authority in such a way that he manipulates, domineers, bullies, and intimidates those under him as a means of maintaining his own power and control, even if he is convinced he is seeking biblical and kingdom-related goals.”
Key Themes Found in Stories of Spiritual Abuse
● Abusers typically have what appears to be a fruitful, gospel centered ministry with a track record of success.
● Abuse often happens for years, leaving a long “debris field” of broken relationships before it finally catches up with the abuser.
● Abuse involves domineering, bullying behavior, leaving the abused to genuine fear, especially if the abuse involves threats of church discipline.
● Reports of abuse rarely lead to accountability, as friends defend the abuser and the board (often made up of people much younger in age or experience) provides alternative explanations.
● The victims of the abuse are typically forced out and charged as troublemakers who are attacking a faithful pastor just doing his job.
• Michael J. Kruger (PhD, University of Edinburgh) is the president and Samuel C. Patterson Professor of New Testament and Early Christianity at Reformed Theological Seminary in Charlotte, North Carolina, and a leading scholar on the origins and development of the New Testament canon.
Biblical Passages About Spiritual Leaders who Harm Others
Ezekiel 34
Matthew 23
1 Timothy 5:17-20
1 Peter 5:1-4