Dave’s Relationship Counseling

Submitted Anonymously

In order to protect the privacy of those involved, and to meet the clear expectations of confidentiality, this will remain an objective recount of observations that have led me to these conclusions. The details of these multiple cases of counseling have been omitted, but if I was able to include the full details of this story, it would paint a much worse picture.

To start, I have witnessed Dave shows issues with partiality. I have seen that he does not allow equal speaking time between partners. Furthermore, Dave has shown himself to reprimand one party during the conversation without conclusive claims or evidence to do so. I have observed Dave focusing the majority of his time on correcting the victims reaction to wrongdoing while ignoring the actions of the perpetrator.

The second concern I have is how Dave reacts to the evaluation of his claims. I have had multiple instances where I confronted Dave with the logical fallacies of his ideas, and he redirected the conversation instead of addressing the issue at hand. When he is unable to redirect the conversation, I have been (among others) directly attacked by him. Because of my disagreement with him, he has responded by questioning my spirituality and motives, although I was bringing my concerns in good faith.

The third issue I have with Dave is his lack of discernment in foundational areas when it comes to relationships. Dave has indicated that he may hold a set of beliefs about relationships that are not stated in the Bible. However, he will implicitly pose these beliefs as advice taken from the Bible. Furthermore, I have observed that he has given and promoted reckless relationship advice. For example, he would overburden one partner with responsibilities while the other party is devoid of any responsibility as well as accountability. This advice that Dave has given can lead to an unstable foundation for a marriage and can lay the foundation for an abusive marriage. He brings those beliefs which are not in the Bible with authority, and I believe he does not distinguish between what is in the Word of God and his own opinions. 

It is important to note that not all advice Dave has given is harmful, but some of his advice is dangerous. Dave exhibits the behaviour of a leader who either may have trouble or outright fails to discern his own opinion from God's Word. This pattern within Dave's counseling has caused great harm to those who, at some point, decided to follow him. And If someone is in a position of influence, and not held accountable, their words of advice can cause great harm to those who follow them.