The Peerless Papa Dave
by Jessica G.
I started attending Friday Night in 2013, after being invited by a friend. I was going through a hard time in my marriage and Friday Night felt like a safe harbor. I believed it was safe because it was associated with Scottsdale Bible Church and Dave was a paid missionary at CRU. I attended Friday Night as my home church. I was there nearly every week. I also attended related events, like ‘Girls Night’, hosted events at my home and I discipled several women. A few years in, a friend started drifting away from Friday Night. She would post articles about cults on her Facebook page. When I read them I was surprised that some of the items fit Friday Night, like an attitude of superiority or having a single charismatic leader. But I dismissed my concerns because I did not personally observe overt, controlling behavior.
While attending Friday Night, I learned Dave’s view on spiritual gifts, which included his definition of prophecy and self proclaimed status as a prophet. I believed his teaching, which led me to take actions based on what he said. For example, in 2015 Dave shared a prophecy he had, about how the coin of this realm will be tarnished. He then said he thought it meant there would be a problem with the financial system. Since I believed he was a prophet, what he said scared me. I took several thousand dollars out of my savings account in cash. Later when I went to buy a house I found out that I couldn’t use the cash due to several real estate laws. I now realize that Dave’s prophecy was wrong. But because I believed him I took an action that almost hurt me financially. I was surprised to learn, years later, that Dave had retracted the urgency of the prophecy.
Another example occurred when I participated in spiritually abusing a person. Dave had said that someone was a prophet. I will call them Delta. Delta attended Friday Night along with their friend. Dave confirmed Delta had the gift of prophecy. One night Delta’s friend asked me to come over. I went to their home. Delta said they had received a word from God. The word directed them to have their friend go through every item they owned and pray about the item. If the friend did not hear from God that they were meant to keep the item, they were supposed to destroy it. I thought Delta heard from God. And I wanted to obey God. I felt uncomfortable but I wanted to be willing to sacrifice anything for God. So I stood there silently praying as the friend took their pictures one by one, prayed and then tore them up and put them in the trash. I did not intervene at the time, because I had yet to understand the spiritual abuse taking place. I recognize now that it was spiritual abuse when Delt's word from God brought about this event.. While Dave is not responsible for Delta’s actions, this is an example of spiritual abuse that happened as a result of Dave’s teachings. I have taken responsibility for my part and repented.
At this time, I noticed the number of broken relationships surrounding Dave. He requested that I no longer invite someone he was in conflict with to game nights hosted at my home. Another individual had a falling out with Dave, while working together on a ministry project.These were not casual acquaintances, but people who had close relationships with Dave. Broken relationships are a normal part of life, but Dave seemed to avoid repairing relationships that broke, which is unusual for a Christian leader.
Due to Covid in 2020, Friday Night had to make some changes to its format. There was a lot of discussion and during an online Friday Night, people began to criticize it. The criticism was over the format and some of the attitudes that seemed to be expressed by the group. As a result, Dave picked a few people to conduct a survey. The survey project failed and was never shared with the group. During the project I observed how controlling Dave can be. For example, the group put together a 10 question survey. We sent it to Dave thinking we would get a quick approval. Dave expanded the survey to 80 questions. He refused to consider a shorter option. We did collect 40 responses, and I was able to review the results. I learned something important. The majority of people who attended saw Friday Night as their home church. At the time, Friday Night was meeting at Citizen's Church, which was not affiliated with SBC. However, Friday Night was listed on the SBC website as a small group. Friday Night did not call itself a small group, but proclaimed itself a house church. Dave was also talking about starting a para-church ministry called JesusU, which would be independent of both Citizen's Church and SBC.
I realized that Friday Night could operate in a healthy way as a house church OR a small group of a church OR a para-church ministry. Any of the three was fine. What was not fine was the current leadership structure, or truly lack thereof. Depending on what Friday Night was should dictate the appropriate form of leadership. During the survey process, I also had several people share things that happened between them and Dave where they thought Dave was wrong. This included them trying to talk to Dave and Dave listening but not changing. I believed the problem was Dave had no accountability and that Friday Night needed elders who are equal to Dave.
I paused attending Friday Night in 2020. Friday Night’s inconsistent Covid precautions played a role in my decision. More importantly, I was trying to figure out what I thought the problems were and potential solutions.
During 2020, I recorded the following themes I observed about Friday Night:
● Dave had no peers or leaders who were his equal. This meant that when people were hurt by Dave, there was no place for people to go to get help. It also meant some people would be neglected. Dave often talks about re-parenting the people who attend Friday Night. The problem is that since Dave is the only leader, he literally doesn’t have enough hours in the day to do this.
● The lack of peers also meant there was a lack of leadership structure. Without structure the group could not grow and did not grow. Based on statements Dave has made, I realized that 1000 visitors over 15 years had led to a regularly attending group of just 30 people.
● I also observed a prideful attitude in Dave and the group. There was contempt for other churches and listening to other Biblical teachers.
I also observed two troubling statements made by Dave during this time.
First, Dave told me about a ministry he was planning called JesusU. The purpose was to provide training on how to live the Christian life. Training would include how to prepare a bible study and how to use a gospel track when witnessing. Dave said that he planned to advertise JesusU as theologically neutral. Then he said he was also considering having ‘advanced’ classes where he would teach his own theology. In my opinion this was deceptive.
The second instance occurred at a party with members from Citizen’s church. I was speaking with a Christian who was a licensed counselor. I asked her about the code of ethics licensed counselors follow and how that impacted her practice. Dave joined the conversation saying that a married couple had come to him and Kathy recently and said how grateful they were that Dave and Kathy were not licensed counselors so that Dave and Kathy could actually tell them what to do. The tone Dave used when he said this indicated that he was proud of being described this way. I found his statement troubling, because it seemed to suggest that he was better at counseling than a licensed therapist.
In 2021, I returned to Friday Night. Because of my concerns, I decided to bring a teaching. Dave had often encouraged me to do this, but I had been too scared in the past. It wasn’t that I was scared of public speaking. I had done it many times at work. What I was afraid of was somehow “missing the spirit”. I believed I needed to feel a prompting in my chest in order to be able to share. I was afraid of my teaching being criticized or dismissed during the discussion. And most importantly, I was afraid of Dave’s disapproval.
I decided to try and overcome my personal fears. I prepared a teaching about groups in the New Testament. I can’t remember the specifics of what I shared. The list I have in my journal included passages like 1 Cor 11, that the church can come together for good or for the worse. I also noted passages like Matthew 6, where Jesus’s prayer to the Father is in the plural of “our father” and “our daily bread”. There wasn’t much discussion or feedback on what I shared. But I will never forget how Dave wrapped up the conversation because I wrote about it in my journal the following morning.
First Dave said "I have authority from God, as the elder of this group, but not to be a dictator." Then Dave went on to tell a story about how he was talking to a man who had worked at a church for 30 years. This man thought he was a Christian, but Dave showed him that he was not and then led him to Jesus. Finally, Dave told a story about how a man came to Friday Night teaching heresy. The man taught that Jesus didn’t save individuals, He saved groups of people. Dave explained that God gave Dave wisdom on how to refute the man.
When Dave said that I felt like slime had been poured over my head. Dave did not call me out by name. He didn’t have to. I could tell that his comments were directed at me. Plus his proclamation that he was the elder of the group, felt like a desperate attempt to reassert his power. It wouldn’t be until later, when I read a book on spiritual abuse, that I would have a name for the experience: “being bullied from the pulpit”.
While Dave’s response was hurtful, I didn’t address it specifically with him. Instead I decided to talk to Dave about the lack of leadership and elders at Friday Night. I thought that if there were leaders who were equal to Dave, that would provide ways to resolve conflicts with Dave in a healthy and productive way. The conversation did not go well. Both Dave and I cried. Dave said that I was projecting the wounds I had from my father onto him and that people often did that to him. Dave said that he had tried to get other leaders, but the lack of leadership wasn’t his fault. Dave also said that he was held accountable in six different ways.
● His discipleship group (which included Quinn). There was a 30+ year age gap between Dave and these young men.
● A house church leader who used to be Dave’s disciple (20-30 year age gap), he did not attend Friday Night, many people didn’t know who he was.
● A ministry leader who used to be Dave’s disciple, (he also did not attend Friday Night, and often was out of state).
● Scottsdale Bible Church
● Citizens Church
● CRU
I left the conversation feeling like Dave didn’t really listen to me and that he would not change. I thought about it and realized that Dave only had the illusion of accountability. The men were his current or former disciples and the organizations were too far removed from the group to know what was happening.
After the conversation, I decided to stop attending Friday Night. I left quietly, because while I saw major problems with Dave, I did not have enough evidence that Dave had engaged in a pattern of spiritual abuse. Plus, I was scared. I didn’t want to lose my friends. This was July of 2021.
In 2022, several people from Friday Night approached me with evidence that Dave had engaged in spiritual abuse. They wanted help engaging in the biblical process of holding leaders accountable. We did not believe that any of Dave’s current or former disciples would help hold Dave accountable for what he did. So we decided to contact CRU and SBC (Dave stopped associating with Citizen’s Church in mid 2022, so we did not reach out to them). We spent several months talking with CRU and SBC on how to report the people’s stories. Neither organization had a documented process for collecting stories from victims and protecting them during the process. CRU told me not to collect other people’s stories. CRU said that what was happening with Friday Night attenders was a local church matter. CRU had no jurisdiction over Dave’s small group. They referred us to work with SBC.
After talking with both organizations, myself and another person met with Dave to tell him we were going to report our concerns to CRU and SBC. Dave responded by saying:
● “I wish God had not made me a jerk.” This was shocking to hear. Dave does not believe in original sin, yet was blaming God for being a “jerk” who hurt people.
● “I’m on the far side of the prophet/mercy spectrum.” Dave regularly teaches that prophets like him are harsh while those with the gift of mercy are more kind and empathic. (For more information on this please see the essay “The Prophecy vs Mercy Fallacy”)
● I’ve been praying for years for elders, but God hasn’t sent anyone so he must approve of the way we’ve been doing things.
● Dave admitted to taking the action another member had told me about. In my opinion, Dave’s action was controlling and spiritually abusive.
● Dave also insinuated that he was like Jesus and Paul, in that they too had disciples leave them. I interpreted this to mean that Dave was questioning my salvation, since I was questioning Dave’s leadership.
● Dave also asked for a specific list of our concerns and what we wanted changed.
● When we said he had the sin of pride, Dave said that he had asked God three times if he was prideful. Dave said that God told Dave he wasn’t and to stop asking Him about it.
I left the meeting shaking. That night I wrote a long email and sent it to both CRU and SBC.
I listed three primary concerns:
The first is that Dave has no peers, which leads to a lack of mediation and accountability. When hurt and abuse happens, there is little recourse beyond Dave. The lack of recourse has led myself and others to leave Friday Night, which prevents the ministry from growing.
The second is that Dave’s emphasis on the teaching that people can hear the voice of God coupled with his ignorance of abuse creates the conditions for hurt and additional abuse.
The third is that Dave has set himself up as the only elder, yet refuses to take all of the responsibility for the position and recognize the power he wields.
I asked for three things: clear communication on who can help mediate between Dave and Friday Night attenders, a disclaimer warning people about Dave’s marriage counsel, and that Dave should repent from his pride. I did not share the stories that had been shared with me. I had not received permission to share them, because the organizations did not have a process to protect the victims.
Two weeks later I met with a SBC pastor. He told me that several other people had raised concerns with SBC. Someone I was working with had been in contact with him for several months. The pastor said that he had talked with Dave and Kathy. His assessment was that they were unteachable. He offered me some advice on how to protect myself in the future. He also advised me that when a group like Friday Night was removed from a church’s website, the group usually died. There wasn’t much else that he could do.
Having exhausted the options to report people’s stories to CRU and SBC, plus their unwillingness or inability to hold Dave accountable in a meaningful way, we walked away. We stopped pursuing accountability for Dave and decided to move on with our lives.
In 2023, Quinn asked me if I had an unresolved conflict with Dave. I said yes. He offered to help resolve the conflict. I declined his help, as he was one of Dave’s disciples and I did not trust him. He apologized for not reaching out when I left Friday Night and said he was open to talking. But as long as I had unresolved conflict with Dave he would not socialize with me and would decline to attend small gatherings that I was invited to. I decided to let the relationship go. I thought Quinn’s decision to cut off someone who had a conflict with Dave looked like the behavior of a cult member.
Quinn and I did not speak or interact for nearly two years. Then in March of 2025 he called me at 6am. I was shocked at how emotionally distraught he was. He said he thought I might have been right about Dave and Friday Night. After several conversations we agreed that it was our responsibility to try and stop Dave from hurting anyone else.
You may think from reading my story that I am out to get Dave. I am not. I was trying to figure out ways to solve the problems at Friday Night so that it could grow in 2020. In 2021, I saw myself as trying to work with Dave and not against him, because I believed he needed support from true peers. In 2022, I asked the organizations he worked with for help and mediation, because I knew it was not just for Dave to be his own judge and jury. Each time I looked for ways to preserve Friday Night and even Dave’s continued ministry. Each time I tried to follow the evidence. Each time I tried to follow biblical models. I admit that I may have failed in my methods. And as you can see, I failed to bring about change. And so I left quietly.
The reason I have decided to try again is because I believe that Dave will continue to spiritually abuse people until he experiences the consequences of his actions. People spend years recovering from Dave’s life destroying counsel. No amount of what Dave calls “good fruit” is worth the suffering of his victims. Dave has no excuse because people have been coming to him for years. I also believe that Dave has the capacity to change, even though it will take him years. I hope that he will do the right thing by repenting and removing himself from ministry.
“When people stay silent, those who abuse are safe.”-Lisa Oakley, 2013