Tyler’s Testimony
by Tyler (different from Tyler H)
When I first joined Friday Night, I met and talked with Papa Dave for a while and gained a high initial impression/opinion of him. We talked theology and life and seemed to connect and I felt there was respect between us. I attended FN pretty regularly for a few years after that.
About 2.5 years in, I met and got engaged to a woman outside the group, spending a lot of time out of state. I did talk with Dave about some things regarding this relationship, to which some things were affirmed and some overall advice was given. Ultimately, this engagement got broken off, and although Dave was supportive initially to me at the time, I noticed a significant shift in the way he viewed/treated me from then on, as though I was lesser, unwise, immature. This was different from the way that other members of the group treated me after talking with me through things that had happened, that I had tried my hardest to make the best choices that I could at the time. It was noticeable in Dave’s body language, facial expressions, word choice and overall demeanor towards me from then on out. There was a notable disdain that I could tangibly perceive in my direction. It made me question my own spiritual positioning and things I had previously thought to be solid, which in itself isn’t necessarily a bad thing because it’s always good to evaluate yourself and what you know to be true. But his words and actions towards me made me feel inferior and ultimately did not line up with what I found to be true. It was too long ago to remember exact words that were said (which were never direct), but it was as though he no longer viewed me as truly a Christian and treated me as such. At no point did he address anything specific with me to try to help anything that he may have viewed to be “off” with me, rather he began to give off an air that he did not like me, which again was different from before. He told me to get discipled, which I then did for a few years through the group.
It’s worth noting, however, that during my time at FN, I noticed strange behavior from Dave towards women, particularly young women. Dave normally would give more embracing, strong/close hugs to everyone, but there were a number of times where I would witness this hug linger a bit long when hugging a young woman, and he would kiss her on top of her head, and sometimes a tight nuzzling type of action, where he would follow it up with a tighter hug and put his cheek on their head before letting go. Never did I see this asked for, and I always felt uncomfortable seeing it happen but told myself it was probably fine. The body language of the women being kissed on the head seemed uncertain, seemingly vulnerable and receptive initially but would appear to turn visibly uncomfortable. A friend of mine in the group also commented to me about this behavior and how it made her uncomfortable as well, as he would do this with her, which confirmed what I was observing and the effect it was having. There was a general uncertainty around it, because it seemed the assumption was that Dave’s actions were presumed to be normal in some aspect, despite it not being normal to those seeing and experiencing it outside of that group. I never presumed that there was a power dynamic to this, but I think my perception was a bit swayed by my view of Dave’s spiritual authority. He’s very knowledgeable about scripture and faith, and I believe that added to my view from early on that he could do no wrong. It’s a very common thing in the group to view whatever Dave says as the ultimate truth, and to essentially seek approval from him for final answers in many situations. So, the strange behaviors, both physical and psychological, get written off or dismissed because of his tenured headship and spiritual authority.
I don’t doubt that Dave hears from the Lord, but we are all fallible and capable of hearing something that is not actually from the Lord. There were times regarding my situation that I did not believe that what Dave said came from the Lord, and there were other times where I knew what he said did indeed come from the Lord. The view in the group, however, is strongly seen as: Dave hears from the Lord in everything at all times. There have been several people I’ve known that were in the group for many years and left for various reasons involving strange, divisive and hurtful behavior from group leadership dynamics. I can’t speak to anyone else’s situation in great detail, but it’s clear these have been far from isolated incidents.